How to kill Dumbledork without actually meaning to
by Random Reader OO1
Summary: Who can really understand the mind of a phoenix? Abus Dumbledore certainly can't.  Join him in a small oneshot about his fight over the delicious lemondrops.


Hey Gang, I decided to do a few one-shots to get my brain working again. For those of you who are wondering why I took down '_The Next Generation'_, well, I was dissatisfied with it, and am currently reworking it. Please enjoy my little one-shot. I call it "How to kill Dumbledork without actually meaning to" aka "Why Dumbledore should have gotten the chickenpox when he was young and not old enough that he should have been dead a long long long long long time ago!"

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><p>Albus Dumbledore was a very wise old man, and was currently trying to use this wisdom on a huge problem that he couldn't solve. No, it had nothing to do with Harry Potter, the Evil Lord Voldyshorts, or something important, such as what happened to his lemon drops (he figured it was Fawkes who was sick of him eating them and ate them himself. Selfish bird…) It wasn't as important as his lemon drops, which he bought more of by the way and kept them with him at all times, or as important as his weekly problem of changing his password. This was a problem that he cursed himself for getting. Harry Potter had gotten the chicken pox the other day, and Albus wanted to see him. Only he forgot that he had never gotten the chickenpox before, and getting them at 528 years old, he was going to die because chickenpox made it so he couldn't eat sweets because they made him itchy. He heard Fawkes whisper in his mind again.<p>

"Give in old man! Just die already so I can have the lemon drops! Muhahahahaahahahah!"

Albus really didn't understand why people thought that phoenix's were good creatures. All they are is lemon drop stealing, creepy laughing, and crazy birds.

Albus batted Fawkes away from him, trying to get the bird to leave him alone.

"I'll get them eventually old man! Hurry and die so I can have your secret stash of lemon drops, and yes, I know where they are, and as soon as you die, I get them!" Then the evil bird paused and Albus swore that if a bird could smirk, Fawkes would be right now.

"Actually, on second thought," he bird disappeared in a bright flash, before returning with a can of his special lemon drops. "I think I want one right now." The bird dipped its beak in the can and pulled out one perfect lemon drop.

Albus jumped over his desk and took the lemon drop out of the evil bird's beak, before putting it in his mouth. The birds smirk widened as Dumbledore's eyes widened. Those were his special lemon drops! The ones that- His eyes rolled back in his head and he died. Fawkes smirked and turned the can so he could read the words "Super sour lemon drops, do not eat, as the awesomeness will explode your brain. Really, don't eat them."

Poppy Pomphrey walked through the doors, a pink bottle clutched in her small hands tightly. She looked around and didn't see the headmaster. "This is what he gets for going against my orders." She said with a sigh, noticing the poor phoenix that was trying to hide from her and her yucky medicines.. "Hello Fawkes, have you seen our sock obsessed headmaster?" she asked, encoring the look she got from the phoenix that said 'HELLO! I'M A BIRD!'

She sighed again,  
>Tell him to rub this on his spots, and he'll be good as new in a few weeks." She said, making Fawkes hear a 'maybe' that made him smirk. "Oh, and tell him not to itch, it will only make it worse. If he does, be a good phoenix and flash him over to me, alright? He would hate it."<p>

The bird nodded and the dragon lady walked out of the room. As soon as the door closed, Fawkes let out an evil laugh. He would rule the world! And no one could stop him from getting rid of the world's supply of lemon drops! He would make everyone eat bloodpops instead, as they tasted about as nasty as lemon drops! He would be famous! And best of all, no one would ever be able to say his awesome name again!

The door opened and a tired looking Minerva peeked her head inside. "Did you hear that?" she asked the phoenix. Fawkes looked at him with fake confusion. "I really need a vacation, Fawkes. I could have sworn I just heard someone say that they were going to make everyone eat… never mind, I don't want to hurt your stomach. Be good."

And with that, Minerva closed the door and walked back to her office with a hand on her head. She needed some time off of this 'Understanding, yet strict' teacher gig.

Meanwhile, Fawkes was still laughing when Dumbledore's body twitched and he saw a lemon drop. The phoenix chirped in happiness and picked it up, gobbling it down in a second. He never saw the smirk of the old man as he blew up, but he was a phoenix, so he was instantly reborn. Sitting on a nest of ashes and lemon drops, Fawkes decided something: Never again would he eat a lemon drop. And with that, he cooed cutely, and fell asleep.


End file.
